How to respond when someone says "you're never here" like a leader, not a manager
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The Thought
Did you know… when someone says, “You’re never here,” they may not actually be talking about your schedule.
They may be telling you they don’t feel supported, connected, or able to reach you when they need you.
Leaders don’t defend their calendar.
They get curious about the experience behind the comment.
Quote:
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – Stephen R. Covey
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The Tip
Remember to…
1. Don’t defend your calendar
A manager says:
“That’s not true. I’m here all the time.”
A leader says:
“Help me understand what’s making you feel like I’m not available.”
Then ask:
- When have you needed me and felt like I wasn’t there?
- What would being more available look like to you?
The moment you start proving how busy you are, you stop listening to what they’re actually trying to tell you.
Don’t debate the statement.
Get underneath it.
2. Define what “being there” actually means
A manager assumes visibility equals availability.
A leader gets specific.
Say:
“I may not always be physically present, but I want to make sure you know how and when you can reach me.”
Then ask:
- When do you need more access to me?
- What situations should we make sure we connect on?
Your team may not need more of your time.
They may need more predictability around your time.
Being available doesn’t mean being available every minute.
It means your people know when and how they can count on you.
3. Build a better connection together
A manager says:
“My door is always open.”
A leader says:
“Let’s create a better way for us to stay connected so you’re not waiting until something becomes a problem.”
Then ask:
- What check-in rhythm would be most helpful?
- What should you bring to me immediately instead of waiting?
- What can we put in place so you feel supported without needing me involved in everything?
You don’t want to create dependence.
You want to create access, clarity, and trust.
Managers defend how often they’re around.
Leaders make sure their people know when and how they can count on them.
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The Tool
Short Video: Learn how leaders respond to “You’re never here” without getting defensive or trying to prove how busy they are.
See how to uncover what your employee actually needs, create clearer expectations around availability, and build a stronger connection without creating dependence.
Watch the viral video on TikTok
Watch this video & read the post on LinkedIn
Or watch other CLA videos here on YouTube
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Leadership Question of the week…
Here is the top question this week from our 200+ Leadership Questions (part of our Complete Leader Package. Don’t have these? Get instant access here.
How do I make sure my team feels heard and supported?
What do I do to create open communication within the team?
How do I ensure everyone feels like their voice matters?
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Activity of the week…
Here is the top activity this week from our 52 Team Meeting Activity Cards. Don’t have these download? Limited time offer: Only $30 (usually $47). Use code: ACTIVITY30
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This Week’s Workshop Clip
Takeaway: A manager says, “Here’s what to do.” A leader says, “Here’s where we’re headed. How do you see us getting there?” Invite your people into the problem-solving process so they help build the plan.
Want to bring this approach to your leadership team? Let’s connect.
Watch the viral clip on TikTok
Watch this clip & read the post on LinkedIn
Or watch other CLA clips here on YouTube
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Thank you for leading and lifting others out there!
-Dwight
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