How to respond when someone says "I'm not doing that" like a leader, not a manager
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The Thought
Did you know… resistance gets harder to solve when the conversation turns into a battle over authority.
“I’m not doing that” may sound like defiance.
But leaders get curious about what’s underneath the resistance before deciding what to do next.
Quote:
“You cannot force commitment, what you can do is create the conditions where commitment is possible.” – Peter Senge
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The Tip
Remember to…
1. Don’t react to the defiance
A manager says:
“Excuse me?”
A leader says:
“Okay. Help me understand what’s behind that.”
Then ask:
- What is it about this that you’re unwilling to do?
- What concern do you have about moving forward?
If you react to the tone, the conversation quickly becomes about authority.
Get underneath the resistance first.
Curiosity doesn’t mean accepting the refusal.
It helps you understand what you’re actually dealing with.
2. Clarify what’s actually optional
A manager says:
“You don’t get to decide that.”
A leader says:
“There may be parts of this that are flexible, but the expectation still needs to be met.”
Then ask:
- What part of this can we change?
- What part do you understand still needs to happen?
Not everything is negotiable.
But how someone gets there often is.
Make the boundary clear without turning it into a threat.
3. Make them own the next move
A manager says:
“Fine. I’ll find somebody else who will.”
A leader says:
“If you don’t think this approach will work, bring me another one that still meets the expectation.”
Then ask:
- What’s another way you can get this done and still meet the standard?
- What approach would you recommend?
Don’t rescue the resistance by taking the work away.
Give them room to solve the problem without taking away the ownership.
Managers fight the refusal.
Leaders get underneath it, clarify the non-negotiables, and put ownership of solving the problem back where it belongs.
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The Tool
Short Video: Learn how leaders respond to “I’m not doing that” without turning the conversation into a battle over authority.
See how to uncover the resistance, clarify what’s non-negotiable, and put ownership of solving the problem back on the person.
Watch the viral video on TikTok
Watch this video & read the post on LinkedIn
Or watch other CLA videos here on YouTube
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Leadership Question of the week…
Here is the top question this week from our 200+ Leadership Questions (part of our Complete Leader Package. Don’t have these? Get instant access here.
❓ What's the hardest conversation I've had to lead recently?
❓ How did I approach it, and what was the outcome?
❓ What would I do differently next time to make it even more productive?
___________________________
Activity of the week…
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Thank you for leading and lifting others out there!
-Dwight
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