How to lead someone who’s nice to your face, but difficult behind your back like a leader, not a manager

June 29, 2026

It’s Tactical Tuesday!

Here is the Thought, Tip, and Tool of the week...need Leadership 101 tools? Start here.

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The Thought

Did you know… gossip is rarely the real problem. It’s usually a symptom of conversations people don’t feel safe having directly.

Leaders don’t chase rumors.

They create an environment where people feel safe enough to tell the truth.

Quote:

“Silence is the enemy of learning.” – Amy Edmondson

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The Tip

Remember to…

1. Address the gap between private and public behavior

A manager reacts:

“I heard you’ve been talking about me.”

A leader says:

“I’ve noticed there’s a difference between the conversations we’re having and the conversations happening elsewhere.”

Then ask:

What’s making those conversations easier than this one?
What’s making it difficult to bring those concerns directly to me?

Trust begins when people feel safe enough to be honest.

2. Make it safe to be direct

A manager says:

“If you have a problem, just say it.”

A leader says:

“I’d rather hear concerns directly from you than hear them secondhand.”

Then ask:

What concern haven’t we talked openly about yet?
What would make it easier to bring those concerns directly to me?

People talk around problems when they don’t feel safe talking through them.

Create the safety first.

3. Rebuild trust through candor

A manager says:

“This needs to stop.”

A leader says:

“Going forward, let’s commit to bringing concerns directly to each other.”

Then ask:

What would a more direct conversation look like next time?
How can we make sure concerns come here first instead of somewhere else

Healthy teams don’t avoid conflict.

They handle it openly.

Managers focus on the gossip.

Leaders build a culture where gossip has nowhere to grow.

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The Tool

Short Video: Learn how to respond when someone is pleasant in front of you but critical behind your back—without becoming defensive or creating more division.

See how leaders create psychological safety, rebuild trust, and encourage honest conversations instead of hallway conversations.

Watch the viral video on TikTok

Watch this VIRAL video & read the post on LinkedIn

Watch this video on Instagram

Watch this video on Facebook

Or watch other CLA videos here on YouTube

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Leadership Question of the week…

Here is the top question this week from our 200+ Leadership Questions (part of our Complete Leader Package. Don’t have these? Get instant access here.

❓How do you think trust is built in our team?

❓What actions can we take to build more trust?

❓How can we ensure trust is maintained even during challenging situations?

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Activity of the week…

Here is the top activity this week from our 52 Team Meeting Activity Cards. Don’t have these download? Limited time offer: Only $30 (usually $47). Use code: ACTIVITY30

Get your physical box of cards here

Check out my Team Meeting Activities Playlist here

Want more? Instantly download these ready-to-use tools.

Spark dialogue with your team.

Ignite engagement.

These tools, talk-tracks, tips, activities and questions will make your leadership work easier in 2026!

-> New Release: From Manager to Leader: An Audio Compilation of 100+ Manager vs. Leader Videos. 16 chapters. 3.5–4.5 hours. 100+ leadership videos organized by topic. Perfect for your commute, workout, or before your next difficult conversation. Launch Special! Get your copy here →

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-> Get instant access to the most popular Complete Leader Package - the Ultimate Leader Toolkit with EVERYTHING included. Leaders love having over 200 questions for 1:1s, team meetings, and leadership meetings.

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Thank you for leading and lifting others out there!

-Dwight

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