How to have a tough conversation with someone you don't like like a leader, not a manager
It’s Tactical Tuesday!
Here is the Thought, Tip, and Tool of the week...need Leadership 101 tools? Start here.
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The Thought
Did you know… 65% of workplace conflict escalates not because of what is said, but because of how the conversation starts?
When emotions lead, influence drops.
When standards lead, clarity rises.
Leaders don’t vent their frustration - they realign the team to what was already agreed upon.
Quote: “The way you start a conversation determines how it will end.” – Susan Scott
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The Tip
Remember to…
1. Lead with the standard, not your frustration
A manager makes it personal:
“Honestly, you irritate me.”
A leader makes it professional:
“This is about the standard we agreed to - not how I feel.”
Then get curious:
“What do you see as the gap between what happened and what we expect?”
This reduces defensiveness and keeps the conversation solution-focused.
2. Describe behaviors you can prove, not attitudes you can’t
Focus on what happened, not how you feel about it.
Use the SBI Model: Situation → Behavior → Impact
Example:
“In yesterday’s meeting (S), you rolled your eyes twice (B).
The impact is it signaled disengagement, and it hurt team morale (I).
Then add a P (Plan): and co-create a plan of action together.
“What were you trying to accomplish in that moment?
How could you approach this differently to build trust next time?”
Facts create fairness.
Judgments create walls.
3. Make it a reset moment, not a revenge moment
A manager threatens:
“Fix this or else.”
A leader invites a new start:
“Let’s reset how we work together so we can move forward in a healthier way.”
“What do you need from me?”
“What commitment can you make so we don’t repeat this pattern?”
This conversation isn’t about “winning.”
It’s about repairing - and raising the standard together.
Leaders don’t have to like everyone.
But they do have to lead everyone with fairness, clarity, and courage.
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The Tool
Short Video:
Watch how to handle a tough conversation with someone you don’t like - without letting emotions take the lead.
Learn how to anchor the conversation in standards, facts, and a shared plan forward.
Watch the viral video on TikTok
Watch this video & read the post on LinkedIn
Or watch other CLA videos here: YouTube or Facebook
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Leadership Question of the week…
Here is the top question this week from our 200+ Leadership Questions (part of our Complete Leader Package. Don’t have these? Get instant access here.
❓What’s one area where we could improve as a team?
❓What’s getting in the way?
❓What’s a small step we can take right now and how would we benefit?
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Activity of the week…
Here is the top activity this week from our 52 Team Meeting Activity Cards. Don’t have these download? Get your physical copy here OR a printable version as part of the Complete Leader Package.
Check out my Team Meeting Activities Playlist here
Want more? Instantly download these ready-to-use tools.
Spark dialogue with your team.
Ignite engagement.
These tools, talk-tracks, tips, activities and questions will make your leadership work easier in 2025!
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-> Get instant access to the most popular Complete Leader Package - the Ultimate Leader Toolkit with EVERYTHING included. Leaders love having over 200 questions for 1:1s, team meetings, and leadership meetings.
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-> Want just the team meeting activity cards in a box? Order them now - ships immediately. Limited available. Order now!
-> New leader? Grab the NEW LEADER Bundle here and get both the Complete Leader Package and Activity Cards Box, plus a bonus program: 52 Leadership Skills to unlock your leadership potential this year. Use IGNITEIT20 for 20% off as a special thank you. Learn more.
Thank you for leading like a coach out there!
-Dwight
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