How to give difficult feedback like a leader, not a manager

It’s Tactical Tuesday!

Here is the Thought, Tip, and Tool of the week...need Leadership 101 tools? Start here.

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The Thought

Did you know...

Giving feedback is one of the most powerful tools a leader has—but it’s often done wrong. Managers may criticize, blame, or shame, which kills morale and trust. Leaders know the secret: feedback isn’t about the past—it’s about the future.

When delivered the right way:

  • Employees feel respected and heard

  • Growth becomes the focus, not guilt

  • Teams become stronger, more accountable, and more engaged

As I always say Leadership is a fire - and so is feedback. When handled well, it ignites growth in your team and yourself.

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The Tip

Here’s how to give difficult feedback like a leader, not a manager:

  1. Lead with respect, not fear

    • A manager might walk in with a hammer: “We have a problem!”

    • A leader extends a hand: “I care about your success and want to share something to help you grow.”

    • Set a positive tone first—your team will listen and respond instead of retreating.

  2. Be clear, not cruel

    • Use the SBI Model: Situation → Behavior → Impact

    • Example: “Yesterday in the meeting, you interrupted three times (Situation & Behavior). I’m worried this affects how the team perceives your contributions (Impact).”

    • Keep it factual, simple, and free of blame. This creates clarity, not conflict.

  3. Focus on the future, not the past

    • Ask: “What can we do differently next time?”

    • Offer support: “How can I help you succeed?”

    • Remember Marshall Goldsmith’s wisdom: Feedback is not about replaying mistakes—it’s about shaping what comes next.

       

      Difficult feedback isn’t a confrontation—it’s an invitation to grow, to improve, and to elevate your team.

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The Tool

💡 Watch it in action: A short video walking through a real-world example of difficult feedback delivered with respect, clarity, and forward focus. See exactly what to say and how to say it.

Watch the viral video on TikTok

Watch this video & read the post on LinkedIn

Or watch other CLA videos here: YouTube, Facebook, Instagram

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Leadership Question of the week…

Here is the top question this week from our 200+ Leadership Questions (part of our Complete Leader Package. Don’t have these? Get instant access here.

❓What can we do to make our 1:1s more valuable for you?

❓Are there specific topics or formats that would make these conversations more effective? 

❓What’s one change we could try next time to improve them?

 

Activity of the week…

Here is the top activity this week from our 52 Team Meeting Activity Cards. Don’t have these download? Get your physical copy here OR a printable version as part of the Complete Leader Package.

Check out my Team Meeting Activities Playlist here

 

Want more? Instantly download these ready-to-use tools. 

Spark dialogue with your team.

Ignite engagement.

These activities and questions will make your leadership work easier in 2025!

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Thank you for leading like a coach out there!

-Dwight

 

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